I have been nominated for two awards/tags recently, both by the wonderful MrHushHush (GO CHECK OUT HIS BLOG). And it’s amazing that he has nominated me for anything, because I’ve hardly been posting anything lately and he only started following me recently. So he hasn’t even been around when I’ve posted more regularly/often, which means he really does seem to like/care about what I write. So THANK YOU to him. It means so much to me that you’d nominate such a sub-par, undedicated “blogger” like me. Thank you.
But then here’s the thing that goes along with that. I haven’t been active lately, and if I have, it’s been me coming on here, writing something that I need to get out of my brain, and then leaving again for an indefinite amount of time. I’ve been doing a terrible job lately at reading blog posts from people I follow, even though I get email notifications every time someone posts something. Sometimes, if I’m not doing anything while checking my email I’ll read a new one that’s popped up in my inbox. But most of the time I just kind of don’t read any of them. I know, I’m a terrible person. I love following people’s lives and reading what other writers have to say, I’ve just not really been motivated lately to spend much time in the blogging world. And, so, as a result, I don’t think I really deserve these awards, and also if I were to do them I wouldn’t really have anyone else to nominate, other than the person who nominated me (and that’s not how it works). So I don’t know what to do. I am so, so honored that MrHushHush nominated me TWICE (again, thank you). But I don’t feel like I can really do them the way I’m supposed to… Wow this has taken way longer to say than I originally meant. Sorry.
So. I guess I could be an even worse person and just do what the award and tag ask, but not nominate anyone else? I feel like that’s a sort of selfish, egotistical thing to do but honestly I think it’s more interesting than me just posting an apology for how unmotivated a person I am. So… I guess here goes. If you’ve stayed with me this long, thanks. 🙂
The Blue Sky Tag
For this one I will answer the 11 questions he asked me.
1. Why do you blog?
(Well obviously I suck at blogging these days but originally) I started just to kind of put into words what was going on in my head. I think I had a sort of goal to have real live people reading what I wrote, but these days I blog mostly for myself. I think of this place as sort of my own personal online diary, which I turn to when there’s something on my mind that I want to write about. But it’s not really in the hopes of getting likes or comments anymore (although those are always appreciated and make me feel happy).
2. What is your favorite topic to write/read about?
Well, for non-fiction I like to write about whatever’s on my mind and sometimes things that upset me/get me riled up. I like to read memoirs every once in a while, because I like people and real-life true stories.
In terms of fiction… I love reading Young Adult (YA). I think a lot of it is that I have been a “YA” myself for a while now, so the stories have been relatable or a good escape into a better world that’s still relatable… And I really like writing YA as well. One of my goals as an aspiring fiction (and maybe YA) writer is to tell stories about/that have LGBTQ+ characters, because as a teenager who took forever to realize her sexuality, it would have been really nice for there to have been more books out there with queer characters to relate to. Especially Questioning characters.
3. Are you happy in this moment in your life?
I’ve sort of been thinking about this lately (well, not exactly this but things like this about life) and I think that, overall, yes. I am happy in this moment in my life. I am at a really good age. I am adult enough to feel kind of like an adult and not much like a kid (but still enough like a kid to have fun and appreciate my “youth”). I don’t know if that makes any sense, but just like thinking about where I am, with school and friends and things, and what that might look like in the future… I think I like where I am now better than where I might be and will eventually be in the near and distant future. I am surprisingly looking forward to going back to school, which is a really good sign.
4. Are you in love?/
Hah nope. Never have been. That’s one of the things I’m unhappy about in my life right now—I haven’t had any romantic experiences, and I am so ready to. I feel like I’m unusually old to never have been in a relationship before… But I’m trying to not fret about it too much and make myself more open/hopeful about finding romantic prospects in the future.
5. How do you cope when feeling lost or empty?
Well I usually write something on here, or I text one of my two closest friends and talk about it… Or just read or watch tv or draw until I feel better. Spending time with my friends also usually helps.
6. What’s a special memory you often flash back to?
Hm. I’m really not sure. Just like nice/fun moments with my friends over the years and recently, I think. Not necessarily anything specific.
7. What are you looking forward to?
Well, like I said, I’m surprisingly looking forward to going back to school. I’m also looking forward to seeing two comedians I follow perform in September with some friends from school… And to studying abroad in London next spring.
8. Do you see an overall goal in life you’re hoping to reach? If so, what?
I really want to find something that makes me reliably happy. I want to enjoy whatever job I have, and stick with it for a long time without feeling bored. I hope to maybe become a published author, and to keep theater and music in my life in some way.
9. What is your biggest fear and how do you rationalize it?
Mmm… Being alone? I’m afraid I’ll never find love but then I think about all the people in the world and how so many people end up happy/in relatinships and figure I’ll be fine. I also just fear not being liked/appreciated.
10. If you could recommend a book to me, what would it be?
Ahh just one? It’s so hard… I love Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. And I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson… The Sea of Tranquility by Katja Millay… Nina LaCour’s books… Of course they’re all YA but I loved them all so much. Also a really good memoir is Hannah Hart’s Buffering: Unshared Tales of a Life Fully Loaded.
11. If you could give advice to your younger self, what would it be?
Care less about fitting in. Don’t listen to what society is telling you to be. Be unique, be different. Fitting in is boring. (I also kind of still need to work on taking this advice now).
Wow those were good questions and took me a lot longer than expected. This is such a long post. I’m sorry.
And then there’s the Versatile Blogger Award, where you share 7 facts about yourself. Here goes.
- I’m gay. Hooray.
- I have (had?) this thing called Spondilolisthesus (I have no idea how it’s spelled), but basically I got a crack in my back when I was in first grade and had to wear a brace for a long time, and now it doesn’t hurt anymore but it’s still there I think.
- I clench my teeth at night, so I have to wear a sort of mouthguard thing now.
- I much prefer shopping for clothes in the mens section than the women’s section, but I feel awkward about it sometimes. It’s helpful when I go shopping with my brother though.
- I’ve been playing the drums for about 9 and a half years. (Although I haven’t been playing that much this year because I suck at practicing when I’m not taking lessons).
- I have no idea what I really want to do in life (that’s plausible for me to make money and support myself)/what I’ll end up doing.
- I am the biggest theater nerd.
Alright! That was such a long post…. Sorry! But thank you SO so much to MrHushHush again for the kind nominations. I really appreciate it. I hope anyone who read all of this (wow good job) is doing well and I will try to read other people’s blogs soon, I appreciate you all so much, have a wonderful day/afternoon/night.
Thanks for listening.
(also apologies for bad grammer/spelling I did not proofread this at all)